How to Separate When you Have Kids (Without Court)

I want to get my bias out of the way first. I am a family mediator and counsellor, not a family lawyer. This path is the path I am a big advocate for because of my training, my lived experience and the positives I see in the lives of people who choose mediation. This is not the only way to separate but just know, you don’t NEED to go to lawyer route to separate.

Here you will find other avenues you can take if you want to separate without that is not just mediation. The Divorce Act says there is a legal obligation to try and resolve family law disputes without court, if appropriate.

If you decide on mediation, both people will consent to the process and meet with the mediator alone first (usually and always in my case) and then begin the process. In my practice, I hope for joint sessions because it creates more understanding between people, a more durable agreement and paves the way for a better relationship going forward. This is not possible when there are safety concerns and I do also provide “shuttle mediation” where I go between parties who never have to meet face-to-face.

You will receive a Mediation Report at the end of the process that outlines what you have agreed upon. The clauses are created by you and informed by the AFCC Parenting Plan Guide and may include clauses around support and property division. This is not a legally binding agreement, so you don’t need to sign it. It is a pact the two of you have created together, a roadmap of shared values for the future and how to safeguard the peace you want to have in this new version of your family. It can include a parenting plan, support calculations (child and spousal) and property division.

Once you have been separated for a year, you can apply for a divorce. The date of separation is usually decided by picking the day one person decided the relationship was over. It does not have to be the physical separation because a lot of times, people can’t afford to live apart in the early days of a separation.

There are 3 ways to start a divorce in Nova Scotia:

1. Joint Application for Divorce (uncontested)

2. Application for Divorce based on a Written Agreement (uncontested)

3. Petition for Divorce (contested)

Here you will find the forms you need to fill out to start a joint application. There is a small fee to file.

Remember, you don’t need to go broke to break-up. Whether you do kitchen table mediation or meet with a mediator, you are future-proofing your kids and this version of your family by consciously designing the next phase of your lives.