How to Shift from Spouse Mind to Co-Parent Mind

This is hard. I won’t lie. You have spent years together, seen the best and worst of life and each other, raised children together, you have loved them deeply (and been more angry than you thought possible at someone). You know this person better than anyone and you signed up for a lifetime together when you got married. Shifting out of that spouse mindset is hard.

I want to get this out there because we need A LOT of self-compassion and gentleness in this period.

BUT here is why its crucial. Your marriage has ended. Your co-parenting relationship will never. That means you will be in their life, and they will be in yours when you’re older and doting on shared grandchildren. You will be at weddings and graduations together. There is no “freedom at 18!” business. You guys are connected for life.

And your child will always be able to sense if you both are okay, okay with each other and still a family.

So into shifting from spouse to co-parent mind. In a spouse mind, you can get mad at the other person for being late, taking it personally, scolding or shifting into any old pattern you had as a couple.

Co-parent mind is professional, cordial and respectful. It will seem weird at first. But you need to treat this relationship like a colleague or even employer. Think the professional version of you that won’t be yelling or crying in the office (or over text.)

But if you are too hurt, too raw to see or talk to that person, you can always communicate your needs for space with the promise to both of you that you will heal enough to show up in a way that is better for everyone.

Things look different now, things hurt and there is deep grief and maybe betrayal.  But keeping things child-centred will help everyone through this tough period. Things will get easier but it is so important to show up as early as you can as a respectful co-parent. That is laying the groundwork for your family 2.0.